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Wow,  I really haven't done one of these in a while.  I doubt anyone actually reads these anyway. Ha!  Well here goes.

I have been so incredibly busy as of late.  Joe's Crab Shack cut my hours so I went back to my old job at Wing Shack.  Working two jobs and still trying to get your photography company going is no easy task.  My sweet boyfriend, Eitan has been nothing but supportive and is always trying to find new things to help my business along.  We did not get to spend Christmas together [first one apart in 2 years :(] but the short time I did get to spend with him was wonderful.  We had a tacky Christmas sweater party at my place and spent some time with the family.

Nothing particularly new is going on just a ton of work and attempting to focus on my photography.  But I got the blog up, purchased my domain name, and had a meeting with a very wonderful old friend who gave me some great tips.  It's finally getting a move on and will be in full swing soon.  Another update soon I promise!
  • Listening to: My Christmas Playlist
I have been working at Joe's for about two full weeks now & am loving every minute of it.  Although it is hard work all of the employees and management are really helpful & really nice.  I am making so much more than when I worked at Wing Shack & the environment is much healthier.  The hardest part has been trying to learn all of the dances, but other than that things are running smoothly.

It has been a tad bit difficult transitioning to this new job since I went from making tips consistently to not at all for a while.  But I am making so much so consistently that I should be able to catch up in no time.  It's just the process is rigorous and annoying to play catch up.

Megacon was this last weekend and it was amazing.  Although I didn't really get to hang out with all the usual people, new friends were made & was so grateful to be able to hang out with everyone.  Friday I spent a little time in the lobby with Eric [my new roommate & co-worker] & all my usual con friends.  Saturday I just stayed home & caught up on sleep before work.  After I got off I met up with Nick, Kevin & a bunch of other people while we tried to figure something out.  We hung at the Peabody for a bit before we split up & headed to Arkham Nights.  It was absolutely sick; best night club I have ever been to.

All in all it was a fantastic weekend & made some great new friends.
  • Listening to: For God Knows Why [James Roquemore]
It's really comforting when you can see everything in your life coming together.  I have felt like I have been like a ship on the sea tossed from one place to another with no port in sight.  Well I can finally say that I see the lighthouse.  

Half of my debt is paid off only leaving me with the other have and the necessity to pay off the car.  Although I approached my parents about paying off the car first, but the debt with the interest needs to be taken care of first.  I'm rather bummed about that; if the car belonged to me then I could move to Boca and finish paying off my debt there.  I understand where they are coming from, but it's still a bit of a bummer.

I had my interview for Joe's Crab Shack today.  I had been pestering Crystal about it for about a week and a half.  Finally I went in and spoke with another manager but was only greeted with the same answer- that they would call.  I felt bad for annoying her so much about it I just left it alone and they finally called me.  I was really nervous that I would only be disappointed and wouldn't get the job.  I had been disappointed when TGI Friday's had show potential but they had already hired all the staff they needed [regardless that the GM LOVED me].  So I went in today with my stomach in a knot.  The GM asked me questions & I felt like I was talking way too much.  I thought he hadn't liked me and that I had blown the entire interview; then he offered me the job on the spot.  I was blown out of the water.

Now the reason why working at Joe's Crab Shack is such a big deal to me is because I am twenty-two.  What does my age have to do with anything?  I have been blessed enough to have health insurance my entire life, but when I turn twenty-six I will no longer be covered under my parents.  Joe's offers full health, dental, prescription drug, vision, life, vacations time off and an employee discount that is amazing.  On top of all of that the job is transferable.  There is a location in Lauderhill that is about twenty to thirty minutes from the area we are looking to move.

Everything is slowly but surely changing for the better.  I made a promise to myself that twenty twelve would be far different than the previous year.  Twenty eleven was full of disappointed and hurt; this year there would be a change.

On top of it all I am going to breakfast next Wednesday with a PROFESSIONAL photographer who is going to critique my work and give me pointers.  Now I'm sure most of you are like "Psh, it's just some person who started their own business & does your average stuff."  NO.  She has been featured in magazines such as The Knot, Cosmopolitan and more.  I am beyond excited for what this meeting will hold and am currently working on my portfolio.

This year WILL be different.  This is a year of CHANGE.
  • Listening to: For God Knows Why [James Roquemore]
When I got back from PSL the summer of 2010 things had changed and I knew it was time for me to move out of my parents' house.  I had had my taste of freedom and I had to go for it. :P  Although I have greatly enjoyed my time being on my own I do often find myself over at their place pretty often.  I'm a major family person; I love spending time with them.  I love having their insight and advice on even the tiniest problem.  That's why this next step I'm about to take is going to be the hardest one yet.

I have been slowly climbing out of the debt pit I threw myself into and I'm about halfway there.  From there there are only a couple things I need to get in order- i.e. a car- and then I'm done.  With that being said, after everything is paid off I plan to move to Miami.  I know a lot of you will be upset with me and I am bummed that some of you just recently moved to Orlando :(  But I know this is what I need to do.  I have spent A LOT of time thinking about this and weighing the options.  This isn't just a random urge, this has been mulled over for quite some time.

I won't be alone, I have friends and family there- a definite support system.  But I know it wont be the same as Orlando.  I have lived here all my life and have a huge network here, but it's time to move forward.  I already have a couple potential jobs linned up and the living situation pretty much taken care of.   I'm excited and nervous for this, but so very ready.  I hope you guys will understand and support me in this descision.   It probably wont be until this time next year if all goes accordingly, but I felt the need to give everyon a heads up.
  • Watching: The Pelican Breif
  • Eating: Mississippi Mud Cake
Well I was in a good mood today.  I sold over $500 dollars worth of stuff today at work and was told that I was one of the best waitresses the customer had ever had.  It was a great day and I was so glad to allow my work to speak for itself. :)

Then my co-worker called and asked if I could cover for her.  Tomorrow night we are having a movie night with a huge group of pizza & I need the day to clean and do my bills for this month.  I told her I couldn't and she texted back with a total attitude.  "Well you will be shit out of luck tomorrow when I don't show up to work and Matt calls you in."  Uh... excuse me?  When did it become my responsibility to cover your shift?!  Regardless if he did call me, I'm not required to cover your shift.  Get the fuck over yourself, bitch.

I was excited to post a journal about how great I've been doing and the fact that I have now paid off two credit cards.  Eitan will be coming to spend Thanksgiving with my family.  I have been great & one person can ruin all of that....


Thank goodness Eden & Travis are coming over right now.  && our TMNT movie marathon tomorrow night.  Tomorrow will be better, but for now...

Go fuck yourself Alyssa.
  • Listening to: Washed Out
  • Eating: PB&J
  • Drinking: Milk
It is not often that a complete stranger compliments you on your appearance, but when it happens we swell with pride and carry our heads a little higher.  Yet when someone you know recognizes you for something, it doesn't mean as much.  Why would more value be placed on a stranger's opinion than that of someone close to you?  Perhaps it's because you hear it all too often that it doesn't hold the same meaning for you anymore.  Or could it be the person giving the admiration?  I know if it's a shady older gentleman the comment is taken negatively, whereas if it is a child you smile and thank them.  What about the person close to you when they praise you for something, why has it lost its value?

We were created for companionship.  So why do we pull away with a knee jerk reaction to something painful.  Perhaps it's because they know us and what we want to hear.  They tell you how beautiful you are, but we scoff and move on.  They know the nasty bits; they're close enough to know what pains you.  A stranger gets what's on the surface; a warm handshake, then the release.  Why do we squirm and attempt to wriggle out of the holding of that hand, like it's uncomfortable to do so.  Injury after injury has caused us to recoil from one another, continually adding bricks to the walls we build for ourselves.  Our mask is so perfectly placed upon our face, and then we meet the one who easily places a crack in our façade.  We fight, scream, and try our best to escape, fearing that after the mask is removed they will hate what they see.  Refusal to show anyone what we feel goes against the worlds standards.

Our faith, abuse, hate, self esteem issues, depression, rape, cutting, disease, finances, interests, anything that defies perfection and what the world says you should be lies open bare.  It's as if you're naked in the dark but you know a million eyes are on you.  A warm hand slips into yours and grips you tightly, instinctively fighting, screaming, and writhing to get away.  You're pulled in close and warm arms envelop you, the struggle continues- it's too painful to share.  Gradually you stop straining against the embrace, you welcome it, and then you embrace them yourself.  They won't run, they've seen the dirty parts, the bits we keep to ourselves, and they don't care.  They love every part of you, they tell you how much they love the messy parts- you don't believe them at first, but gradually you do.  The shattered pieces of mask are tossed into the trash, and all of you can finally shine through.  The world hates it and tries to break you down, but hand in hand with the one who shattered that mask you shove the world aside and step out of the darkness proudly.

Hand envelops hand, as one heart calls to another.
  • Listening to: Washed Out
  • Eating: PB&J
  • Drinking: Milk
Bodies gliding softly along the dance floor of life,

Gracefully moving toward one another then away again.

Both dance their own steps but completely in time with one another,

The beat changes and they move toward one another again.

An embrace, and a kiss as they swiftly move forward,

Long road trips of shared dreams and desires.

The soft sound of breathing as one fell asleep.

Beams of sunlight dance across a sleeping face,

A nimble kiss placed upon a smooth cheek.

Paintings and photos hung carefully,

Each one a moment remembered together.

A life completed by another,

A dance to join the two as one.

Smiles as hands slip into one another,

Stepping into the future together.
  • Listening to: William Fitzsimmons
I've been slowly climbing out of the pit of debt and gradually paying off these credit cards.  Work is only going so far though since I have other bills to pay as well.  I've been looking online trying to find some extra ways to make cash and nothing really caught my eye.  I tried selling some stuff on craigslist but that only goes so far.  Until a particular gig jumped out at me.

Now for the longest time I had major body issues especially in high school.  I was definitely overweight but my father continually pointing it out didn't help.  Now I'm not blaming him, he just didn't want me to have the same health issues he has.  But it was always a struggle for me until college and I started losing my baby fat.  Since then I've steadily lost weight and have really taken it to an extreme recently.  I received a free 24 day pass to the gym and have been going almost seven days a week.  That mixed with eating a million times better has caused me to be exactly where I need to be weight wise.  How does this pertain to earning money you ask?

I have never considered doing anything like this before; my confidence was far too lacking.  Now of course when I was a kid I would pretend to be famous.  I mean come on who didn't, but for me to actually take a serious shot at modeling?  Unheard of.  So here I go- I've been sending out a million emails old and fairly recent photos taken of me.  I have stalked craigslist ads and put myself out there.  So far I have a photo shoot Tuesday and the photographer wants to work with me consistently and is paying VERY WELL.  Then Wednesday there is a studio in Winter Park who wants to use me.

Never in my life would I have thought I would be model material, but these people tell me otherwise.  I'm pretty blessed to have stumbled upon this and am interested to see how it all plays out.  In the end the only thing that matters is that I will be debt free in no time! <3
  • Listening to: Mat Kearny

I spent almost and hour making sure everything was perfect.
Now its good to go!
Like, subscribe, comment, all that jazz :)
  • Listening to: My Drive Home
Stolen glances under a soft moonlight night,

Bodies as nimble as a humming bird's flight gliding across the floor.

Lips pressed together softly, causing heads to spin,

Worlds to stop then begin again.

Picnics of strawberries in the sun,

The sweet scent of the sweat emanating off one's skin.

Talks of friends and family late into the night,

The soft sound of breathing as one fell asleep.

Beams of sunlight dance across a sleeping face,

A nimble kiss placed upon a smooth cheek.

Paintings and photos hung carefully,

Each one a moment remembered together.

Harsh words spoken in anger,

Anger radiates loudly.

Bitter tears brushed away with soft hands,

The brush of hair behind an ear,

Whispered apologies, a stolen kiss.

An inside joke at the expense of a passerby,

Sweet laughter engulfs the senses.

Smiles as hands slip into one another,

Stepping into the future together.

A Love for the Ages.
  • Listening to: Taylor Swift
So I recently found an ad on craigslist asking for help maintaining a blog.  I assumed it wasn't a paying job but it was worth a shot anyway so I shot the guy an email.  Turns out I was right but it has turned into an awesome side project for me. keeps up to date with video games, movies, music, anime and more.  Much of the information is really interesting and your support would mean the world to me.  So go check the website out make some comments on the posts and like the facebook page!

Thanks a bunch guys :)
  • Listening to: AJ Rafael
As the shadows casted by the candlelight flicker across my ceiling I can't help but allow myself to slip into the creative mindset.  The sultry voice of William Fitzsimmons floats through my speakers mixed with the warm tones of his acoustic guitar.  The smell of caramel and pecans fills my senses as the scent from the candles waft throughout the room.  They say that between the hours of nine and eleven are when you are most creative- and in this instance they may be correct.  I find it easiest to express myself in the written word.  Black and white I pour my thoughts and heart onto the paper that lie before me.  It wasn't always this way, photography used to be my best means of expression, but with everyone picking up a camera recently I feel the need to change my outlet.

As for what is weighing heavily on me tonight- submission.  We continually push the envelope, regardless of the fact that every red flag has presented itself.  Forcing an issue until it becomes worse than the original situation was.  It is much like picking at a scab until it becomes infected- left alone it would heal much quicker.  Why is it that we have such a hard time letting go; clinging so tightly to our children, our political views, or simple argument with someone?  Christ has called us to submit ourselves to Him, and in doing so, to one another.  Letting go of our pride and selfishness is the only way we can truly and completely surrender ourselves to God.
  • Listening to: William Fitzsimmons
It astounds me how the simplest of words really stick with you; especially if said by someone close to you. Usually people would brush it off and move on, but I know for a fact everyone has those certain quips that cut to the bone. There is a saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."- that's a lie. Just something we pitch to kids to make them feel better, when in fact that isn't the case at all. "Sticks and stones may break my boned, but words can crush the spirit." That is truth.

You can call me mellow dramatic or whatever you like, but when I find those people I can trust most their word is golden. Like a child trying to save up his raffle tickets to buy the big grand prize at the fair. But the fact of the matter is people fail you. You can play skeet ball as many times as you want but it only produces so many tickets and the fact is you more than likely will come up short. So how do we stop this from happening? The truth is; we don't. We can't. Humans are flawed and that is just a fact of life we have to accept; as heartbreaking as that may be.

It is amazing to me how much of a roller coaster this week has been. Scathing comments from someone I abhor still tore me up; then someone I care about deeply. Its funny after you hear these simple things they say that ALL of the disheartening things that have been said about you come back to memory. Maybe its just me, and little things like that tend to stick with me- who knows. When I find someone I can trust I open up to them almost entirely, making myself completely vulnerable. Perhaps this is a mistake on my part; a simple naivety, if you will. Or maybe its just downright stupidity- the desire for a simpler time when people actually upheld their integrity.

I have shed more tears this week than I have in a LONG time, but I have to push forward, as much as evil habits crop back up. They call my name, and I struggle to ignore them. They whisper sweet lies into my ears speaking of relief and comfort. Though it may last for a short time, it wont remedy the words that plague my thoughts. Why is it so hard to break a habit, whether something small or addicting? I have to continue on- pushing forward, pushing against the addiction and words that fuel that ever growing fire.

You act like 'so and so'
Horrible Friend
  • Listening to: Laura Viers: July Flame
This one looked like fun so I finally gave in. xDD

Level 1:
[x] Smoked A Cigarette
[ ] Smoked A Cigar
[x] Kissed a member of the same sex
[x] Drank Alcohol


Level 2
[x] Are / Been In Love
[x] Been Dumped
[ ] Shoplifted
[x] Been Fired [Seasonal Position]
[x] Been In A Fist Fight [If its with a dog does it count?]


Level 3
[x] Had A Crush On An Older Person
[x] Skipped School
[ ] Slept With A Co-worker
[x] Seen Someone / Something Die  

SO FAR: 10

Level 4
[x] Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
[ ] Been To Paris
[ ] Been To England
[x] Been On A Plane
[xxx] Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 13

Level 5
[x] Eaten Sushi
[x] Been Snowboarding
[x] Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace/MXit
[x] Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 17

Level 6
[x] Taken Pain Killers
[x] Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can't Have
[x] Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
[x] Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 21

Level 7
[x] Had A Tea Party
[x] Flown A Kite
[x] Built A Sand Castle
[x] Gone Mudding
[x] Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 26

Level 8
[x] Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
[x] Gone Sledding
[x] Cheated While Playing A Game
[x] Been Lonely
[x] Fallen Asleep At Work / School  [I sleep most of the time at work jk]

SO FAR: 31

Level 9
[x] Watched The Sun Set
[ ] Felt An Earthquake
[x] Held A Snake

SO FAR: 33

Level 10
[x] Been Tickled
[ ] Been Robbed / Vandalized
[ ] Been Cheated On
[x] Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 35

Level 11
[x] Won A Contest
[ ] Been Suspended From School
[x] Had Detention
[x] Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 38

Level 12
[x] Had / Have Braces
[x] Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night
[ ] Danced In The Moonlight [No, but I would love to!!]

SO FAR: 40

Level 13
[x] Hated The Way You Look
[ ] Witnessed A Crime
[x] Pole Danced [LMAO]
[x] Questioned Your Heart
[x] Been Obsessed With Post It Notes

SO FAR: 44

Level 14
[x] Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
[x] Been Lost
[ ] Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
[x] Swam In The Ocean
[x] Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 48

Level 15
[x] Cried Yourself To Sleep
[x] Played Cops And Robbers
[x] Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
[x] Sang Karaoke
[x] Paid For A Meal With Only Coins [Oh dude we pissed our waiter off so Bad! xDD]

SO FAR: 53

Level 16
[x] Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
[x] Made Prank Phone Calls
[x] Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
[ ] Kissed In The Rain [I want to do this one too :)]

SO FAR: 56

Level 17
[x] Written A Letter To Santa Claus
[x] Watched The Sun Set and/or Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
[x] Blown Bubbles
[x] Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere

SO FAR: 60

Level 18
[x] Crashed A Party
[ ] Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
[x] Gone Rollerskating / Blading
[x] Had A Wish Come True

SO FAR: 63

Level 19
[x] Worn Pearls
[x] Jumped Off A Bridge
[ ] Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 65

Level 20
[x] Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
[x] Kissed A Fish
[x] Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
[x] Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 69 [Haha sixty-nine xDD]

Level 21
[x] Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
[x] Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
[x] Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours
[x] Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About   

SO FAR: 73

Level 22
[ ] Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
[x] Climbed A Tree
[x] Had/Been In A Tree House
[x] Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 76

Level 23
[x] Believe In Ghosts
[ ] Have/had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
[ ] Streaking
[x] Visited a Jail

SO FAR: 78

Level 24
[x] Played Chicken
[x] Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
[x] Broken A Bone
[x] Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 82

Level 25
[ ] Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
[ ] Made A Porn Movie
[x] Caught A Butterfly
[x] Laughed So Hard You Cried
[x] Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 85

Level 26
[x] Mooned/Flashed Someone
[x] Had Someone Moon/Flash You
[x] Cheated On A Test
[x] Forgotten Someone's Name
[ ] French Braided Someones Hair
[x] Gone Skinny Dipping
[ ] Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 90

Level 27
[x] Rode A Roller Coaster
[x] Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
[ ] Had A Cavity
[x] Black-Mailed Someone
[ ] Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 93

Level 28
[x] Been Used
[x] Fell Going Up The Stairs
[x] Licked by A Cat
[x] Bitten Someone
[x] Licked Someone

SO FAR: 98

Level 29
[x] Been Shot At/Or At Gunpoint [Paintball & Pellet Gun :)]
[ ] Had Sex In The Rain [When it was raining xDD]
[ ] Flattened Someones Tires
[x] Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On
[x] Got $20 Or Less Worth Of Fuel

Total: 101

TOTAL - Re-post this with the title ''I've done ...x out of 129 Stupid Things'' and tag at least 20 people to continue the chain
  • Listening to: Parents watch some tactical show
It’s ridiculous how much of our time in High School and College is spent dating or desiring to date someone. My first few years in High School I was the girl that wanted a boyfriend; I thought that everything would be perfect if I just had that one guy to share my days with. I was envious of friends who easily dated guys for months and even years. As I progressed through the rest of my High School career I came to the realization that I didn’t need a guy to make me happy; I was perfectly content on my own. As College began I dated on occasion but only a few turned into short term relationships.

Each breakup taught me that I needed to raise my standards in what I was looking for in a guy. I could see what I didn't like in the first guy and make sure the second guy didn't have the same negative aspects. There were plenty of things that each of the guys I dated had to offer, but there was always a negative quirk or lack of effort that would crop up, and it would quickly come to an end. I have been satisfied with being single for quite a while and have enjoyed my time alone, testing the waters here and there.

But when that one guy steps in that makes the difference, everything changes. I am not entirely sure why, but anytime a relationship gets to serious I tend to shy away. Perhaps this is because I have become so comfortable with being alone or the fact that I have been betrayed countless times. When things begin to get serious I notice little things that tend to really get on my nerves, or I become so self conscious I begin to pull out. It’s great during the “honeymoon stage” when you get along great and want to spend every waking moment together; but what happens after that? What happens when your true colors come out and not the façade that everyone tends to put up when you first meet someone?

I feel as if I have by no means put on a façade for you, but there are so many things about you that scare me. You are a complete gentleman, always opening doors for me and paying for everything; you comfort me when stress and fatigue gets the best of me. You can make me smile and laugh like no one else can; I could never be mad at you- all you would have to do is smile and I can’t help but smile back. You continue to feed into my love languages with warm hugs and sweet words of affirmation; I feel as if I am the only thing that matters to you.

It almost seems too good to be true. Perhaps I am being too much of a pessimist currently, but you scare me. Maybe it’s the fact that the only relationship you have had lasted five years and my longest one was three months? Maybe it’s because I am so self conscious that I feel like you will get sick of me too quickly or wake up one day and realize you’re not attracted to me. Maybe it’s because I have been burned so many times [by no means as badly as you were] that I am scared to open up. Most of these doubts and fears are nothing but illegitimate excuses, but the fact still remains that I am terrified.

Don’t give up on me. Although the walls are there, I just need you to be persistent and chip away at them a little at a time. Be patient with me as I learn what this is all about. Hold my hand, guide me through these new experiences, and wait for me to get a grasp on what it means to be with someone. I appreciate you more than you can imagine and if I am “your drug” don’t hesitate to get a hit every chance you get.
  • Listening to: Heaven by Angels &amp; Airwaves
Although its seems like it has dragged on, the ten weeks I have been living in Port St. Lucie has flown by. There have been good times and bad, but I know I wouldn't have made it through any of this if it wasn't for my support system. I want to thank all of you all across Florida for supporting me and being there for me when I needed you.

But most of all I want to thank my parents. You all have supported me in this decision from the very beginning and have been a continual reminder of how God grows us. You always provided a listening ear and sound scriptural advice as I struggled through these growing pains. I am beyond blessed to have such godly parents who are always there to pick me up when I fall and guide me through the tough times so I don't have to. You two are such blessings to me and I love you and miss you both so much.

As this time in my life draws to a close I can't say I have many regrets. Although I wasn't true to myself when I first got here, my parents reminded me to be who Christ created me to be and what he had called me to do. I have persued Him with everything I have and will not apologize for that.

I pray that as I step away from Community United Methodist God will continue to work in these students' lives. I pray that a strong leader will take up the position I now leave behind and continue to push and grow each of these individuals. Explosion Youth Ministry, I love each and every one of you more than you can imagine. My prayer for you from thebeginningis for you to fall madly in love with Jesus Christ and to shed away the lukewarm life.

Five days remain until I return home to Orlando and begin a new chapter in the book of life. I am excited to see what plans God has for me and where He will lead me next. Only time will tell, but I am willing to do WHATEVER He asks of me.
  • Listening to: July Flame by Laura Veirs
It has been ten weeks since I have been able to spend a significant amount of time in Orlando and what little time I have spent has been with family.  I will be heading up to Orlando about three o'clock tomorrow afternoon for the weekend.  I am beyond excited to be able to go to another con and not on crutches this time! :DD

I will be helping Morataya with shoots all weekend, so you will know where to find me.  Hit up the cell if you want to hang, but I am not planning on leaving the hotel grounds for anything other than food with friends.  Oh, and visiting SimpleBeauty and my new house. :P

See you all there!
  • Listening to: Angel's &amp; Airwaves
  • Reading: The expressions on Eitan's face
Seven days. One week. One hundred and sixty-five hours. God made the earth in seven days. Seven is the perfect number. It is also the amount of time I have left to spend with family and friends here in Orlando. Never has a decision been more difficult and easy at the same time. God opened every door imaginable and continually fortified his answer through his word, events, prayer and people. I am excited and frightened at the same time. Through my inadequacies and weakness He proves Himself.

It was less than a month ago that I came off of bed-rest and was struggling to find a job and before I knew it everything had fallen right back into place. It shouldn’t surprise me at how God works out the minor details, but I’m still in awe of how He always delivers. I am beyond excited for this summer, for my church and my kids. I long to see God move, not only in the lives of these students but the church as a whole. I pray that He will humble me and use me for whatever purpose he has; I belong solely to him.

To family and friends old and new, I am going to miss you all so much, but I know this time is an opportunity to grow. Stepping out of my comfort zone and into the unknown, I step out with a smile on my face knowing that the Lord holds everything in His hand.

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."
- Francis Chan

I choose not to stagnate. I choose to believe that I am not my own. I choose to step out and live life for Him. I choose not to care what others think about me. I choose to acknowledge Him before man, that He may acknowledge me before the Father. I choose to be a Jesus Freak. I choose life. I choose Christ.
  • Listening to: Rescued [Jack's Mannequin]
  • Reading: Forgotten God [Francis Chan]
I enjoy long road trips almost as much as arriving to my destination. The open road provides you with such an opportunity to evaluate yourself. Grouchy and tired, we piled in the car at seven this morning and made the two hour drive down to St. Pierce. After spending some time in the word I flipped open Francis Chan’s Crazy Love. I have been reading it for about three weeks now, attempting to take my time. As I flew through three chapters I realized that I hadn’t even comprehended what I had been reading, I was merely attempting to take my mind off of my nerves. Closing the book I popped in my headphones to my ipod and listened to a little David Crowder, but I once again found myself uneasy.

As the day wore on my stomach was in knots until I finally gave in and handed it to Him. “If this is where you want me, give me peace.” An overwhelming sense of calm came over me as I stepped into a room of eleven board members who were to interview me. I felt like the meeting wore on for hours, but every answer flowed freely in comparison to other interviews. Knowing that I would continually have to be in prayer about the position, I thanked them and jumped in the car to make the two hour drive back to Orlando. When asked how I felt, I couldn't deny that I felt completely at ease. I shocked myself, expecting to feel completely uncomfortable about it; almost expecting to. Perhaps I was a bit disappointed that I did not feel uncomfortable, did I really want to take that job? It was almost as if I was saying, "Really, God? Are you sure this is the one?" Then when I felt Him saying yes, I asked again- expecting a different answer. Was I ready to do something like this? Was I capable of moving to a small town with no public bus system and no Chick-fil-a? Could I give up my First Baptist Family and go in faith to a small Methodist Church whose entire attendance didn’t even equate to our student ministry?

It’s been a good six hours since the meeting and I have felt nothing but peace about this call to go. I am overflowing with mixed emotions about this. Part of me knows it’s a fantastic opportunity to grow their nearly nonexistent student ministry, but my selfish nature wants to stay at FBCO and with my family.Discerning what is my will from God's will isn't difficult when I shut up and listen, but obeying is another story.

I feel utterly inadequate. Ironically my devotional this morning reminded me of exactly what I needed: God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.God didn’t even tell Abraham which direction to take, He just said pick up and go. That took a massive amount of faith on his part and I am worried about out about moving to a smaller town for ten weeks; I feel like a fool. I am utterly humbled, terrified, blessed and excited to take that step of faith and leave Orlando.
  • Listening to: Shout Unto God [Hillsong United]
  • Reading: Crazy Love [Francis Chan]
The walrus said, to talk of other things...
To step out and leave home- totally not by choice; I have to be out by Monday.  I'm not sure entirely how this is going to work with no place to go and bills to pay, so that will be interesting.  If anyone is feeling generous feel free to step up and let me crash till I can find a job... I hate saying that.  I would rather live on the street than be a burden like that :/  Just wanted to let everyone know that as of Monday updates will be few and far between till I can find a place to live with NO MONEY- yes highly unlikely I know.  As is life.

To do: Continue looking for a job... just in case.
Get boxes
Start Packing
Sell unnecessary shit
Pawn the good stuff
Sell school books
Minor details ect

As soon as the parents heard about plans moving in with members of the opposite sex they quickly changed the tune of their song.  I don't say this in spite at all.  I know they care for me- I never said they didn't.  But I can't help be a tad bit amused and think that that small factor was what changed their minds....
  • Listening to: Charlie Hall